Done Done Done I'm DONE!!! With being a big fuckin fatty that is. I am soo freakin pissed at myself right now. I keep on losing then waisting all that time and hard work, throwin it all away and gainin that shit right back. Plus more!!!! UGH!!!
Ya know, I was all set to lose this weight. For me & for the hubs. I'm really tired of bein the fat wife. I know I'm a good wife and I know I'm not ugly, but honestly Dick can't be proud to say "yep THIS is my wife." And I REALLY want that for him. But know what the FINAL straw was? Today at dinner I was talkin to the boys about me losing weight and I told them I wanted them to answer HONESTLY and not worry bout hurting my feelings. I asked them if they were embarrassed that their mom was fat. Harley said "No. You're not fat Mom." Gee thanks bud, but I am. You're too sweet like your Daddy. Nathan sadly and quietly admitted that yes he was embarrassed. "Cuz all his friend's moms are skinny."
So thats fuckin IT. I'M DONE!!! It's one thing to hate myself for it and to hate how I look. It's one thing to not have my hubs be super proud to show me off. He doesn't hide me away in a closet and I know he still loves me. But I will NOT be an embarrassment to my children. So this time. This is it. I'm doing it and I'm sticking with it and I WILL be the woman I wanna be. The wife I wanna be. And most importantly the MOM I wanna be. And I can't do that if I'm a big huge fatty who embarrasses her children.
Some may say "Oh don't say that... BLAH BLAH BLAH." But maybe, just maybe, this is the slap in the face I need to wake the hell up and get with the freaking program. So tomorrow, it starts. I'm doing this. For me. For Dick. And MOST importantly for Harley & Nathan.
*And No I don't really wanna hear the "don't say that" crap. I'm saying it. That's what I use this blog for. To vent, to share how I feel and what I think. And this might not be "right" but today, it's how I feel.
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